Grinchmas.

It takes so much to write nowadays. I'm really disappointed in myself, but when I take a step back and look at what I'm doing with my life, I'm alright with it.

I have a job that is laying the foundation for my future career, I'm mentoring a bright and intelligent teenager, I'm making scarves for homeless people in my community, donating food to shelters, cuddling with my dogs at night, and going to school. When I write, it's in these bright moments of joy when I look around and marvel at the people I am so so LUCKY to have in my life.

I'm rolling around a new story in my head. It's about a woman who's a matchmaker, and a soupmaker. Depending on what her client needs, she makes a soup to match it, and turns it into a man. I thought if the woman did something scandalous, like lie to him, he'd turn back into soup and she's unknowingly eat him. I thought that was a quite Grimm-fairytale-esque ending.

I am facing an odd type of homelessness myself. I can't stand staying where I am any longer; I'm surrounded by mold and it is negatively effecting my health, and since that's one of the few things I have going for me, I really can't sacrifice it all willy nilly. The place I had all set up fell through this morning, and the alternative is maybe moving back in with my friend I couch surfed with when I first moved here, but it would be way more expensive than what I'm paying now. And really, I can't take more financial hits.

I feel like I'm a stone sinking into a lake. I'm still kicking, but it feels like the pressure is starting to crack me like an egg.

In 10 days, I'll be home. I'll be in warmth and surrounded by my friends and family who love me, and that's a priceless feeling. I can't wait to hug them and gush over them and let them know how much I miss them and adore them and want to be near them again.

I can withstand anything for 10 days. Especially when I felt good enough to write this:

"So many smiles
My face ripples open
Dahlias springing from my mouth
For you to brush against your cheek and know this love"...

10 days ago. And when I'm overwhelmed by that sinking feeling, I listen to music, and it helps. This is one of my recent favorites. 



Put your dreams away for now
I won't see you for some time
I am lost in my mind
I get lost in my mind

Momma once told me
You're already home where you feel loved
I am lost in my mind
I get lost in my mind

Oh my brother
Your wisdom is older than me
Oh my brother
Don't you worry 'bout me

Don't you worry
Don't you worry, don't worry about me

How's that bricklayin' comin'?
How's your engine runnin'?
Is that bridge gettin' built?
Are your hands gettin' filled?
Won't you tell me, my brother?

'Cause there are stars
Up above

We can start
Moving forward

How's that bricklayin' comin'?
How's your engine runnin'?
Is that bridge gettin' built?
Are your hands gettin' filled?
Won't you tell me, my brother?

'Cause there are stars
Up above

We can start
Moving forward

Lost in my mind
Lost in my mind
Oh I get lost in my mind
Lost, I get lost

I get lost in my mind
Lost in my mind
Yes I get lost in my mind,
Lost, I get lost
I get lost

Oh I get lost

Oh I get...

Merry Grinchmas.