But as soon as I talk to T, things get better. I smile. My heart calms and skips beats at the same time. My natural penchant for optimism is just getting extra fuel from her unflagging support, along with the love from my family and friends.
I am so thankful for my parents. Not only did they financially bail me out this week, they're helping a good friend of mine who got evicted 2 weeks after moving into a new place because of her crazy ass roommate. Even though it's not really something done in our family, they're opening their home and letting her stay there for a month or so until she can get back on her feet...just solo this time. I'm so honored to know I come from them, even though sometimes it's really confusing their mix made me.
Also, my Ma Linda has been calling me every night, sending me cards and books, everything to let me know she's supporting me from afar. My foster mom has been calling too, which is rare, since it's always been our dynamic that I call her and she says she's been thinking of me. My Aunt ZZ called me a few days before I was discharged from the hospital, when things took a sudden downturn for the worst, and said whatever it took, if I needed her there she would leave immediately. Same thing with my Ma. When I think of what my family is willing to do for me, I tear up. How can one person be so blessed? How can I ever pay that much love forward in one life?
I'm not really sure, but I'm definitely trying.
This is a little diddy I wrote about six weeks ago. I didn't realize then that it was a prayer being sent out to the universe, and as always, it responded with exactly who I'd been secretly hoping for.
"If I were to pass
From this world into the next
I would want it to be
With your name on my lips.
Let it echo deeply
Into the core of my being
Reverberating on the corners
Of unspoken hopes."
That's all for tonight. I'll keep you updated, my loves.
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