A lot has happened since my frenzied flight home, and it's been absolutely remarkable. A series of events that I've witnessed in other people and didn't truly believe would ever happen to me...did.
I fell in love. With an exceptionally good man who, bless my stars, loves me back.
Let's rewind a bit, shall we?
So, I'm driving home with all of my worldly possessions loaded up in the back of my rented truck. I'm somewhere past the cow death camp but still short of the grapevine. A Mumford and Sons song I hadn't heard before starts on the radio, and it's called "Lover of the Light". I'm listening to these lyrics, and floored by how sincerely I hope I can someday find someone that would inspire those feelings in me.
Incidentally, T is e-mailing me and I'm confused by my feelings. Quickly enough though, I realize that there is nothing worth saving in our relationship, that it was overwhelmed with negative emotions and I definitely don't deserve to go back to those feelings of insecurity and unworthiness.
As a countermeasure to this, I decide to restart my OKCupid account. Just to see if, now that I was back in civilization, there was someone worth dating. It had been so long since I had a normal date. Within an hour, two people messaged me. One, I immediately went on a few dates with and was a complete loser. The second was Liam, and we went out a little over a week after first talking.
Immediately, I knew something was special about us. We sat outside Augies and didn't run out of things to talk about, and our topics were far ranging. We went to lunch, and what was supposed to be a one-hour date turned into three and a half, and we only parted ways because he had to pick up his daughter. My heart literally yearned for him as he walked away, and I missed him, acutely. I went to Phoenix the next day, but not before meeting him in Banning for lunch, and my hopeful suspicions were confirmed. It was HIM. My one. My only.
Throughout the next weeks, my early sentiments just became more steady. I have never felt so valued, cherished, beloved, by anyone in my entire life. Everything with Liam is as easy as breathing, and I don't have any insecurities or fears. He's a phenomenal person that I respect and love, in his entirety. I only hope I can spend the rest of my life with him. Since we talk in spans of fifty years, I think he's amenable to the idea :)
Some of my friends have asked if we're rushing. There's no ring on my finger. There's no wedding date. It's simply that I've found the person that, if I'm lucky, I can grow old loving. Even better is that he feels the same. I could write about this all day; these feelings, this overwhelming joy, the sense of completeness. Suffice to say, I hope you're happy for me and reveling in this discovery with me.
I'd be yours
If you'd be mine
So love the one you hold
And I'll be your gold
To have and to hold
A lover of the light.
Lovingly,
yours.
