This has been one crazy fucking month.
I feel like the three months since I've been with Liam have been full of craziness, BUT REALLY, let's be honest. My life is always pretty hectic. TO DE MAX. And I'm okay with that. I have learned, wisely, to function in that chaos and try to make the best out of it. I'm pretty much a crazy-fucking-times-obi-one-mahsta now.
His daughter was hospitalized for a week. Hard for both of us, but undeniably more so for him. The fear of a parent having to watch your child lose all neurological control is a whole new level of terror, and he's had to do it solo for so long. Naturally, I kicked up a well-spoken fuss and did my best to get her the treatment she needed, which was belittled and degraded by his bitch mother (I'd call her a cunt, but that implies a depth and warmth that she just doesn't have). It was just another experience that, I firmly believe, helps illuminate our devotion to each other and the family/future we want to construct together. We just have to wade through a lot of shit to get there.
Unfortunately, my knee has been killer since climbing his stairs and crouching down with Michelle. I really don't have the knees for parenthood. Five days ago, I was overcome with pain in my uteuran/ovary area, and just chocked it up to cysts, which I have a prevalent history of. After day 3, which was the cutoff point for "typical" cyst pain according to my OB/GYN, I went to the ER as he had directed and they concluded my pain and intensity was consistent with endometriosis.
According to the National Library of Medicine, endometriosis is a female health disorder that occurs when cells from
the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. This
can lead to pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant
(infertility). The amount of pain a woman feels correlates poorly with the extent or
stage (1 through 4) of endometriosis, with some women having little or
no pain despite having extensive endometriosis or endometriosis with
scarring, while other women may have severe pain even though they have
only a few small areas of endometriosis. Symptoms of endometriosis-related pain may include: *my main symptom* dysmenorrhea – painful, sometimes disabling cramps during menses; pain may get worse
over time (progressive pain), also lower back pains linked to the
pelvis.
Most women would be the most panicked about the infertility, but I have always been heavily conflicted on whether I actually wanted children. When Liam and I talked about it, he hadn't planned on having any more, and I was very okay with that. This, I feel, is a biological confirmation of what I have always been inclined to practice: NO CHILLEN. However, it does mean that I'll probably have to undergo yet another large, planned surgery (hysterectomy) at some point, and I'm not too thrilled about that. This pain is so immense though, I can't wait to get that shit out if that's what's causing this. Considering that my lady parts are all that's really left down there, I think it's a pretty logical conclusion that it's the culprit.
I'm so unbelievably thankful that I have a man like Liam at my side. He is simply magnificent, and I never dreamed I'd have such a well-suited partner to walk through life with me.
So, despite all the insanity, I'm a pretty happy Pokey.
Toodles <3 br="">
