Finding the divine, and not so holy thoughts.

First, let me begin my explaining that four days ago I committed to changing my life by altering my health, and got a VSG (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) to help aid in long term weight loss.

I'm in Texas. My first time here. I laid eyes on my sister for the first time in two years, and it was like a pain that I'd learned to deal with instantly began to dull. I've missed her, deeply, and just being in the same house as her again reminds me of my younger years and how I would not be who I am today if it wasn't for her.

It's different, how people change you. While I'm not complaining, I don't feel there was a real choice in my outcome with my parents; if I wanted to be a good person, I would have to deal with them and not leave and become a wastrel like I witnessed so many others do. My sister, however, was my choice: I chose to love her and take care of her and shape her into someone who could be more than what she was reaching for, and it worked. I worked. And by shaping her, I molded the future vision of what I want myself to be. I am so grateful that I have her.

So much thinking in the absence of this stress has led my thoughts to God. I feel drawn to the universe when I'm metamorphosing. All roads are going to lead me to God, and I know that. I feel so comforted and one with that. Having a nice bed or a husband or a garden or a dog do not change my relationship with the complex and interwoven web of energy and consciousness that surrounds me. I'm thankful that I'm getting this dose of reassurance when I need it most.

Adam has met a girl that he feels pretty strongly for. Granted, this is a weekly occurance, but this one is actually responsive back, so I think it might go somewhere. I'm happy, and jealous. I wonder what anyone has over me, which in all honesty, is the ultimate "I'm the best there is!" American mentality that I hate to have. Because I know I'm not. Oh well. I also think that my response to it is based in a fear that he'll abandon our friendship for her, which has happened before. I have foundations for my creepy insecurities! Ha. It's already begun, but such is life, right?

Life goes on, or so it goes.