Hope for my future has been sucked out of me like a siphon. As if there's a hope vampire traipsing around disguised as my mother and it's just being pulled from me like the earwax from Shrek's ear, sans resulting candle. So, I've decided something: instead of partaking in passive suicide and losing all will to live a fulfilling and passionate life, I'm going to leave what's pulling me down and go.
go go go.
I'm listening, universe, and I got the message loud and clear.
After I graduate, I'm going to maybe hang around for a week or two, swimming and enjoying my friends, then pack my car with a few duffels and hit the road. Alone. Probably around 9K miles. And I won't have a schedule or a goal, really, except to experience life in the now and moment and be happy.
I know people I'll want to see, though. Of course Jess in Phoenix, my sisters in Texas, Kevin and maybe a distant uncle in Florida, up the east coast to my cousins in Virginia and New York, up to Maine, down to Chicago, Detroit, Ohio, and I'll probably sit in Montana wilderness for a week or so. Then over to Seattle, up to Canada, down back to Oregon and SF and then maybe home. Then again, maybe not. If I find somewhere awesome enough and can find a job, I'll stay.
I can't be hopeless anymore. It's fundamentally against my nature, and if I stay where I am, in no uncertain terms, I will die.
So yeah, that's the plan. The alternative. And now, I can't stop hoping for it. It's everything I'm looking forward to, and I think it poses the possibility of being the large cantilever I re-angle my life on.
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