Realizations.

Hm. I'm graduating soon. I'm not really terrified by the concept anymore, but I've come to a few realizations.

1. I definitely pursued a course of study that I loved, not one that was practical for my work habits. I don't know how I really feel about that yet: am I proud that I had the cajones/confidence to go balls to the wall for what I love and knowing that I'd land on my feet? Really, I don't think I can take credit at all. This is how my cookie is crumbling and I'm just pretty damn phenomenal at making the best of things, if I do say so myself.

2. Because of aforementioned not-getting-a-degree-in-what-I'm-actually-good-at, I'm probably going to get a job doing what I AM good at, and therefore being the butt of my own jokes. Oh yes. I've made fun of the communication Bachelor holders working at Enterprise Rent-a-Car before, and now I'm going to be one of them...just, well, not a communication degree holder. Well, I hope I'm going to be one of them, if my Thursday interview goes well. Frankly, I love talking to people. I love working with 'em, making them happy, making their lives a tad easier, having them walk away with a sweet taste in their mouth. Maybe it was years of teasing manifesting as liking to be a people pleaser in some way. Maybe it's killing bitterness with kindness. Whatever it is, I'm good at doing it and it's deeply fulfilling, so yeah, whatever I do, it needs to be customer interactive. Geography is rarely that...it's mostly working in a cubicle or field, staring at a computer screen for research and analysis and writing and cataloging and I don't want to do it 40 hours a week for the rest of my life. At night? Hell yes. On weekends? You bet. Still going to get a Masters and Ph.D. Hopefully still going to consult. Just on my terms.

Really, I climb the ladder too fast for my own good. And at small environmental/consultant/government situations, you can't do that. And where's the fun? The drive? The competitive edge? Well, it doesn't exist folks. So that won't be my avenue.

I've been poor my entire life, and as soon as I'm not THAT anymore, a huge hurdle of my life's successes will be accomplished. That's all I need to reach in the near future.

Everything else is okay. I've just been waking up a lot lately. KAPOW! Epiphany. BOOM! Wake. the. fuck. up.