This weekend was wonderful, but that same ol' realization rose up and kicked me in the gut.
My life is full, and fast, and I'm intensely driven.
In the six months I've lived here in the Crescent, I haven't met anyone. I didn't have intentions to, but I hoped there might be prospects. Alas, nay.
Even if I was one of those awesome dames that didn't meet anyone worth marrying until I was in my forties, I wouldn't have kids.
There's an 80% chance I won't bear fruit from my loins.
Even though, like I said, it's the same old realization at a different time, my sister and best friend being pregnant and my other best friend having her second daughter, I am suddenly sad.
Tearing up, actually.
This is one of those rare moments where I wish I could bond so wholly with someone, love it unconditionally, know that no one could ever have the power to separate that child from me.
As sure as it's hit, it'll pass.
I feel ya. I don't even WANT kids, but for some reason, when I hear of my friends getting married and having babies, I feel so alone and like I don't belong in this world because I don't have the same desire for a white-picket fence life. My goals, ambitions, and destiny are so different than that of 99.99% of the world, it's difficult to not want to connect in the same way that is human nature - reproducing. Sometimes I can't even browse facebook for more than 2 seconds without realizing that pretty much all of my friends have kids or one on the way, and then it's time to close the internet for the day.
ReplyDeleteI think you and I will fulfill ourselves soon (though I think both our fates rely on a lifetime of work) and when we do, that will be our satisfaction on our deathbed.
I'm sure a year ago, you never would have imagined yourself living with Lucy and Ethel above a church in a small Northern town... but there you are, proof that life can change in a second. Whether you have kids or not, meet your soulmate when you're 27 or 37 or 60, you're going to live life joyfully and fully and change the lives of everyone you come across, because that's who you ARE. You're always bringing life into the world - and that has nothing to do with the fruitfullness of your loins.
DeleteAnd if all else fails, if you're approaching 40 and feeling that a piece is missing, I'll be happy to pop out a couple extras for you. You just have to cover my hummus tab while I'm pregnant :)