thoughts on couples.

Ugh.

Maybe it's just that the epitome of commercial condescension to single people is coming up in a few days (Valentines Day, for those of you who don't get it), or that literally almost of my friends are in relationships or married, or that biologically right now I'm inclined to NOT be single and want to start the whole life nesting-settling down bullshit...whatever. Whatever the reason, I'm anghsty.

And slightly angry. So I warn you: not going to be a happy post.

I hate that I'm now left out of functions with my friends because they're doing things with their other friends who are exclusively couples and because I'm single, I'm not invited. I hate that if I go out on a date, or someone approaches me and starts a conversation, they inevitably ask at some point: "So why is a cool/rad/smart [insert cheesy adjectives here] chick like you single?" How the fuck should I know? You won't call, so answer your own goddamn question at the end of this conversation.

I even hate that I'm using the word hate, but I do. I HATE it. Not loathe. Not dislike. Hate.

Valentine's Day is shit. I gotta say, if I ever get into a relationship, I really hope we do nothing special on February 14th. If you feel the need to give me something pretty, buy it on sale and give it to me after I worked a hard day and make you a superb dinner or something. Hell. Fuck the concept of cupid. Shoot me in the head. GAH.

And let me also say, it gets really old being one of the last single people in the mid-20 scene. Half the time (and yes, people actually say this, it's not just my perception) women will actually say, "Wow, at this rate, you're not going to get married or anything until after you're 30."

Yes, I'm aware. And who gives a shit?! What's so wrong with that? I'll (probably) have a Ph.D. by then! A Master's, at the very least, and probably no debt! Well, that's the goal.

So WHAT if I'm not busting out babies before I'm 30? So WHAT if I'm not married?

Fuck fuck fuck.

And feeling generally belittled by society is only exacerbated by the fact that everyone is happy/loving/you and me!/I lovvvve her (him) more than anything! crap. Don't get me wrong.. mazeltov to you for finding your significant other and being happy, but really, does it take over your life and suck away your personality?

The two biggest exception to this are Milla and Kathleen (Coley, I never knew you before, and you and Loren are badass together). You guys have let your relationships enrich you without having it change and morph our friendships in the negative. I know your guys, and love 'em, but I don't have to see them everytime I see you. Amazing.

I know, I'm a huge whiner. But I don't care right now. Today has been stressful, and this is how it's manifesting itself, so I'm venting.

And I'm well aware that part of why I feel this way is a latent envy. Not because of Valentines Day.. that's imaginary.. but because I'm semi-lonely and feel more than capable of being in a healthy and balanced relationship. And it's definitely exacerbated when I see immature, shitty people (usually chicks, it's true) with good guys. WTF? Please don't reproduce. But I can't find someone decent? Who has a goal? Isn't a loser? REALLY?!

I'm ready, universe, all venting aside. Be decent.

I'm going to go back to watching Gene Kelly. I feel like all my negative juju for the day has been thoroughly expelled. Yay.