Devotion.

I am so full of thanks, so grateful for the love in my life and the blessings I am bestowed with.

Today was Easter. All hail the zombie Jew. But I love this holiday because, like most holidays, I get to see all my families in one hectic, vibrant, stressful day.

It started with meeting up with my aunt and heading to Riverside for brunch with my cousin and his wife and in-laws. They're a really wonderful family, so it was a great visit and I got to bond over the dry chardonnay humor I have with my Aunt ZZ and cousin Dan.

When we got back to her house, my uncle Al was there. It's silly to say I have "favorite" uncles, but man, when my Uncle Mike and Uncle Al are in the same room, I'm happier than a pig in shit. They are so amazing alone, so having them together is like this copulation of wonderful. If I would put one word to them, Mike is an artist and Al is a philosopher. I always try to go by the house to see Al when he visits from Vegas because talking to him is akin to my own soul popping out of my sternum and taking over another body that I can marvel at. He's so intelligent and on the same wavelength as myself that I am tempted when my faith leaves me to hop in a car and drive out to the desert and seek his wisdom.

Second was the Cataldos. We had Easter at grandma Frances's house and all of us "kids" (the youngest being what, 15 or 16? haha) were psyched because we knew that there was going to be an egg hunt later. I love seeing Uncle Frank...he pats my shoulders and tells me I'm the sweetest girl and how I'm his favorite. Grandma Frances asking me how my shoulder feels and when I say much better, her kissing my hand in happiness and me leaning down to kiss hers back for caring so much. Bawdy stories with my adopted cousins at the table, all of us tentacles to this octopus of giving and love that is the body of our family sitting warm and safe inside. My brother Jay likes to say that I killed our cousin Jami's sheltered-life-bubble the first time we really sat down and had a conversation...I was working at the porn shop at the time and the look on her face was completely astounded. I laugh just thinking about it.

The egg hunt is on. My brother and I run around the side of the house in the opposite direction of everyone else, and before we hit the gate Jay and I are sliding and laughing and I body check him so I can get through first. He naturally Italian-ized it later, saying I almost threw him down the hill, yadda yadda. I just love being able to talk to my Italians on the holidays. I called Aunt Jo, well, Aunt Jo, and she smiled big and golden, saying "I love it when you call me that. It makes me feel so loved." How can one person like me be so lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful people? I leaned against my Ma outside, my head on her shoulder and her rubbing my back and laughing at Ian chasing around his sister Tara and I felt that if this was all I achieved with my life it would be enough.

My final stop of the night was my Thompsons. I got to squeeze my Unkie, kiss my smiling papa bear on the cheek, wink at Kathleen when her husband gets into the traditional argument with Tia about political/corporate/unfair America. I had to leave sooner than I wanted because I was exhausted and the long day had set my shoulder to aching, but not before I got to disappear into the hum of a lifetime of inside jokes between a table of people who had years shared, not DNA. Of all of my families, it's interesting that the Thompsons have the most members that are openly adopted; Uncle's oldest friend, an old teacher of Kathleen's, and of course, me.

Everyone asked after Steve. If we were still together, if we were happy, why he wasn't with me. All I could do was shrug, to say he was with his own family today. How do you sum up the awkward side-stepping mess we're mired in? I love someone who doesn't yet love me back and I've decided to put my frustrations on the back-burner and am trying to remain patient while he gets what he needs on his own before coming back to me? That I feel like even when it's so full like today, my heart still hurts a bit for the absence of him? Three weeks since I've seen him. But I'll wait as long as I can.

I'm trying to live the devotion that has been given to me.